The water calms me…

Recently, I had the opportunity to take getaway and enjoy the Miami sunlight and water. As a water sign, I am extremely calm and free around the water. The waves allow me to think clearly and reflect as often needed on things, perspectives, views, and LIFE. Plus being away from life always allows you to view things differently.

At the prime of my life, I find myself in a place of stress, disconnect, anxiety, conflict, and misery. I know…horrible adjectives, but it’s the truth. I have truly lost control of my ship and feel like I am on the Titanic.

Anyone who knows me, truly knows me, will say that I love people. I love to see others smile, I love to see them happy, thriving, succeeding and living their best life, but at 30, I have realized that I have forgotten to want and have all of those things for me. I find myself alone, with no friends, no true outlet, and quite bitter on a daily basis. Don’t get me wrong…I do have friends, but I have allowed the weight of the world, and the potential judgements of others to make me run and isolate myself from people and create distance that places me on one side of the equator and everyone else on the other. I have allowed the standards of this world to make me stray away from my own uniqueness and originality. It’s quite hard to believe being that I encourage this for others, yet I have fallen short of my own happiness.

While sitting on South Beach, I realized that I have been unable to fully embrace the opportunities that God has given me because I have failed to fully explore them. I have missed out on career advancement, friends, potential love, and much more because I am too concerned with what others may think or say about the choices that I make with my own life. I immediately began to feel stupid. I began to feel trapped and it was as if I was suffocating. I really am ashamed of this reality because it’s the mere opposite of who I am as a person. I love life, I love differences, I love and seek diversity, and I believe in people being happy no matter what. I am complexed. Extremely complicated at times but my recipe for happiness has always been these seven things:

1. I believe the God sacrificed his only begotten son, so that I may have a chance at life. I accept Jesus Christ, JC, as my Lord and Savior. I will never place no other God before God as I know that He is a jealous God. Honor thy mother and thy father and thy days shall be long;

2. Treat people the way that I want to be treated;

3. Forgiveness should be given even when it’s not asked for;

4. Do right and right will follow you (I mean it doesn’t happen instantly, but continue to do right and it will come);

5. Live everyday as if it is your last because tomorrow may never come;

6. No sin is greater than another sin; and

7. Interpretation and true meaning may often different. What you say may not always be what is heard; therefore, using caution when selecting words.

Yes, 7 is my favorite number. Can’t you tell, but these have truly always been my rules to life. I am flawed, who isn’t, but I am so tired of being concerned with what others may think about the choices and directions of my life. It is killing me slowly. I love hard, but in the mist of loving everybody else, Nichole has forgotten to love herself. I never shop only for me. I never plan to do something only for me. I always, always think of how something I may decide to do will affect others but no more. Of course, I will be considerate of others and respect people space and time as I value my own space and time, but I no longer will be consumed. If oil and vinegar doesn’t mix well. I no longer shall try to make it. Make sense? Hope so.

This way has caused me to become unhappy. It has caused me to no longer care about what I want and think and feel. It has caused me to shutdown in situations where I should be more open, and lastly it has caused me to hide several critical things, thoughts, and opinions about myself because I don’t like conflict and I don’t like to have people at odds…but what happened to agreeing to disagree. What happened to people saying well that isn’t for me, but if you like it. I love it. The world in turmoil, but I shall no longer be who I have been it’s miserable this way.

As a 30 year old fully independent woman, I done with seeking approval when in the end the only approval I need is God. I am sure this may come off to some as oh you got the big head, but no I don’t. I have years of misery. I have years of hidden pain, and years of not being who God sacrificed His son for me to be.

In recent months, I lost my uncle. I lost someone who I can say was hisself. I reflected on his life while at the beach, and I found this theme: My uncle loved people, but he did love himself, and he did what made him happy despite it all. He lived his life. I have to do the same.

When I think about the people around me who are the most happiest. It is because they are living there life. They are doing them, and when I think about Fantasia song, Doing Me, or Mary Mary song, Go Get it, or TK -N- Cash song, Mind Right.. the theme is I have to do me. I have to be me. I have to live for me. So as of August 1, Nichole is doing that. I hope my choices in life don’t make anyone else unhappy, but I can no longer be unhappy to save others face, happiness, etc.

I have never been so clear of what I have to do than I am now. As I said in a post a few days ago. I am at a fork in the road. I have to go left or right, but I can’t continue the path that I am on.

So, for anyone who may read this and can relate…please please please be happy. Life is too short to care about what others may think or say. It’s too precious to waste it on being unhappy. I encourage you to remember those who have been there for you, no matter differences of opinions. As long as you know the man up above, and you know that your choices are not to hurt anyone else, but instead to live the life that God sacrificed His son for to to have…be free! Do you. Go get it…but mostly importantly get your mind right. It is the only way that you can be happy!

Happiness is my quest!!!

-NSS

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Rihanna…”What’s Really Important”…My Opinion!

Check out this first: http://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=10150317353642519&id=66323002518

Now my stance:

Hello. I wanted to post this on the status in response to all the other comments; however, I am unable to but would like to share my thoughts…hopefully you will post for me! Thanks!

Rihanna’s situation should never be taken and used in the light that it has by many this morning who commented on your status or the thousands that do it daily. She was a victim of domestic violence, something that goes on daily throughout many households and often the cause of a life being taken to soon, either the victim or abuser, so I really find it healthy that something this serious is being discusses, debated about to some degree; however, I feel that some true points were never mentioned, please read on as I address them.

Is she a role model? Absolutely! There are so many women who have come forward because they saw Rihanna do it and so many now who will never experience that situation because she took a stand. Now how she took her stand, why does it matter, she took it…she did what many people who loss a love one to hand of an abuser which their love one had done or child who say mom get beat and pleaded with her to speak out, etc. She is a role model to other victims if no one else so please let’s not discredit her bravery because her stepping forward has saved lives we did even know were going to be loss. Maybe she is not the role model you want for self or for children in your life but still to discredit her abilities is basically saying that her story isn’t worth and everyone’s story is worth of being heard!

Instead of saying that she is using it for attention, we should be saying come out, come out whomever, wherever, no one is going to judge you but instead we are making the thoughts that many abused women, even men have, real. What those actions are doing is sending the message to those abused, that they will be judge, maybe not believed or talked down about because of their situation or the length of them being abuse, as well as to the abusers, that I can beat you and do what I want to you because people aren’t going to help you, they are basically going to treat you like I have been just in a different way. It leaves those being abuse to answer the wrong question: “Which type of abuse to do I want, physical or mental?” Leaves them deciding which one they can handle or cause the least amount of pain and which would you choose something to think about. So let’s so with the comments of she is doing it for tickets sales, etc., let’s instead say please come out, maybe this can be your breakthrough in career, success, or whatever, just free yourself of the abuse! God did not sacrifice his son, Jesus, so that his child would be subject of abuse, so let’s stop judging because we are just as guilty as the abuser when we judge someone or criticize their timing of revealing as we are adding to their abuse and not helping them to be freed of it!

Everyone wants to go and tear apart what she likes in her sexual encounters and what she prefers, seriously it is 2011! Most people in America use some type of toy, whip, chain, rope, etc. It is the society that we live in and if you prefer not to, then okay, great for you but just because she said she does, does not make her the bad guy or less than to be someone’s idol. Of course she could have left that bit of detail to be a mystery, but she did not, so what. That does not discredit her story of abuse nor does it provide an excuse or reason why she could have been abused or potential was subjected to abuse. No man should every put his hands on a woman, as she is his rib and no woman should ever put her hands on a man, as he is the body to her rib. Protection should be the greatest concern of both! Rihanna’s success and where she came from in her youth days, adult days etc., is what should make her someone’s idol. People have idols all the time who have done things at one point and time that are deemed bad, negative, but an idol is made as to how someone copes, overcomes or turn their life around despite the negatives and for Rihanna to come back into the public eyes of judgment with her face looking at one point how it did, is enough in itself for her to be whoever’s idol, especially someone who shares her similar story, that we probably do not know, it provides to them the needed message that it is okay, you are not defined by what someone did to you. They may have left you with a scare but they did not take you heart, soul, voice, or whatever. That return takes heart, strength and faith to come back in this judgmental society that we live in filled with comments such as “She does not look that bad”, “She heal well”, etc., or pure sympathy 24/7 making someone feel worse than they did when beaten or bones broken.

Now the lyrics to Love the Way You Lie, I feel that everyone missed the ball on those. I listened to the song and I heard her talking to those who knew she was being abused, because others knew. They saw it, heared it or even covered it up for both of them, thinking it was for their best, maybe, and that’s who she was speaking too, I thought, feel. That is what she was meant when she said you’re going to stand there and watch me burn, but that’s okay, because I love the way you lie! That was her saying that she this is only making me stronger and teaching me who has my back in this lifestyle and who does not! Of course she was talking to him as well, but to me, it was more so to the people who turned the other cheek, for whatever reason(s), that is who she was speaking to, those who heard her cry and did nothing. I felt that E’s lyrics was a descriptive of how public or obvious it was for others to have seen the abuse and witnessed her going back and forth, yet no one said anything to stop him or her as they both were sick and not in their right state of mind.

This is my take on the status and the comments provided.

Feel free to agree or disagree with me! I believe it is healthy for one’s soul and intellect. This situation is far more real than many are allowing it to be due to it being Rihanna! She needs to work on what she says, maybe, but we, the people, need to work on being more accepting of people and their situations, stop being so quick to judge and bring out a person’s past, regardless of whom they are, especially celebs as they are humans also. They do things just like we do and make mistakes too! So let’s not be so critical of them because if we were in that spotlight 24/7 as they are this can be one of us being ripped a new one!

Feel free to respond or check out other things I have posted or written. I welcome the feedback on all!!!!

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Best,
Nichole S.

Realizing the ‘TRUTH’

Hope you are well!

I have been holding off on this blog now for quite some time, since early February, to be specific! During the month of love, I came into some ‘needed’ truths about self & those that I valued. Also, learned a lot about what I needed, in comparison to what I wanted in a man, my career (still praying on this) and brightest revelation, friends: (those ride or die individuals, brothers & sisters, that you extend yourself for & vice versa, because of unconditional love ONLY!

The core of everything, but specifically those areas of relationships & friendships are: honesty, loyalty, trust, respect…people who specializes in ‘Keep’n It 1Hun’ed’.

Being single now, over a year I have had the pleasure to meet some interesting, peculiar & charismatic men. I must say, dating sucks yet it has a silver lining in the mist, it allows one to solidify what they need versus what they want, as well as the signals of what one needs/wants, deserves (key word) in Mr. Right are so distinct now, until I know quickly if duo has any potential for a successful future. Of course this required me knowing myself, flaws, critical factor, but Nichole overall! You have to be honest with self about one’s self and when done, wholeheartedly, the peace that comes is definitely beyond words & obvious, VERY!

My career, life & educational pursuits…by knowing the truths about self & what motivates me regardless has everything right on course with what God designed me for! No doubt nor need to really elaborate on that but I say this to those unsure about career endeavors: Have a real heart to heart with God, you may want one thing and he may have already paved the path for your success in another avenue! You may be driving in the wrong lane, so switch to the ‘RIGHT’ lane where your future success awaits! Talk to Him reader! He is the only one who knows you better than you know yourself, so get the blueprint to your life & watch how things begin to unfold…cause remember its His vision that matters, not ours!

Lastly, the greatest revelation: friends or those who I thought were worthy of that title in my life or those who I gave more than they deserved, wanted (my fault)or believed really gave two brown pennies about me, but its okay! My new lenses allow me to see clearly, accurately! They allow me to understand why me, how me and despite the hurt, pain, hell even tears that came along with these ‘truths’ & needed revelations I am gratefully, a completely freed, living person due to it, so #onward&upward!

I want confirm something: Being hurt isn’t a bad thing, unless you sit around and have a pity party or worst you don’t learn the lesson it was intended to teach you, now that dear reader is the bad thing! Even worst than the aforementioned points is not allowing yourself to feel the emotion that it causes, do not allow one’s pride, ego or image to make you hide your emotions of hurt! Everyone hurts, experiences pain & shed tears but how we progress after those instances is what makes the complete difference; never again hide or withhold your true emotions, express them, free yourself. Be human & feel it, sit in it for a while because you will be a better person because of it, trust me!!! You will!

Now you may ask, did I verify my feelings: the hurt, betraying, deceit, or worst the ‘using’ (deal breaker for me) to make sure that I am correct. And to answer your question YES, but not at first, as I denied the truth, ignored it, even chased after its opposite. Basically, I was holding on to what I wanted/thought could have been or in the old ram of mind that I was in, thought was and/or becoming. Now of course looking back, hindsight is 20/20, I see clearly when things changed, never were or I was used and not even left a tip. Well damn, my thoughts exactly. And keep’n it 1hun’ed, I thought about revenge because this feeling was so painful, sharp that I wanted someone to feel it times 10, but I didn’t give in to Satan, I keep a level head and watched closer to make sure I was accurate, but importantly, I sat in my hurt, I accepted the reality!

Realizing the ‘truth’ has a value of…well its priceless!

Hope this helps or makes you think about men/women, careers & ‘friendships’ deeper…but DO NOT by no means become guarded, it’ll only cause harm upon self!

Advice Reader: Don’t be phony, be truthful & honest as I promise you so many people will be the same, do the same minus any pretense of things greater!

Okay reader, I am out…and btw, my book is coming soon!

Best,

~NSS

Valentine’s Day…Love…Significant Other…Really…what these things mean, require…what is it ‘really’ all about?

First off…HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY if you are reading this on 2/14/2011! I really hope you are happy and that you are in love with yourself because nothing else is possible if you do not LOVE YOU!!!

I woke up today expecting nothing from no one other than family, as I decided that this is the first Valentine’s Day I had been single in years! Coming from a history of two four year relationships & a two year relationship in between those two four year ones, I was excited to not expect something and get it or expect something and not get it! With having the experience of both ends of the spectrum…I was going to be my own Valentine this year but that as ALWAYS with things in my life…rarely occurs exactly as I plan!

Two guys asked me to be their Valentine this year, flattered cause it has been a moment since I heard the phrase “Will you be my Valentine?”, I decided to decline both because I was really excited about being my own Valentine! Just ‘DOING ME’ and of course I explained why and they both understood and seemed to have gotten my point and respected it, which is what one guy told me but insisted on getting me something. I asked both not too and he agreed by saying cool, I will just call; that would be nice I told him and the other…well he said okay, I won’t buy you anything and we laughed and move on…I thought until this morning when I woke up to a beautiful arrangement of flowers (my favorite of choice), chocolates and a very nice card.

At sight of this stuff, I just knew it was from my mom, asked her to learn that it wasn’t her, so I asked my lil bro…nope wasn’t him, so I finally asked my grandmother and she said, “Nope, it wasn’t me who purchased the things, but I did take them from the handsome young man who brought them this morning and think we should have a talk”. It was about 7:30 this morning when all this happened and I was really upset cause I overslept missing morning workout, just not in the best let’s chat gma mood, but of course you do not tell gma’s no…well I don’t, so I told her I would come to the kitchen when I got ready for work and all. She understood and of course reminded me while getting dressed to not forget out morning chat! Finally made it to kitchen got me a cup of coffee and her and my mom was sitting waiting. I thought to self, this can’t be good, but let’s get it!

They really wanted to know what was up with me and dating, love-life or why I wasn’t in a relationship or why the painful question, didn’t the last ones work. Me thinking, is this shit really happening this morning, who did I piss off to deserve this torture today, but I responded people just do not always work moms. Sometimes the people you fall in love with are for you to learn about being a better you for self and the one God really has in store for you! It wasn’t just his fault or my fault in either; we contributed to the relationships good and bad times during them and moms they just didn’t work and that is okay, I am 26 and being in love really is the last thing on my mind at this point. I want it yes, but I do not need it! I am going to wait on God to finish working on me and the one that I am destined to be with, is that cool with y’all or do y’all feel I should be doing something differently?

Mom said watch it smarty…I know what you are trying to imply and it is not cute, we are just wondering why, that is all? She continued with…we see the attempts people are making to try and talk to you, as well as improvements and changes that so and so has made to try and get you to give him another change *(so and so is the person who brought the things this morning)* but you are not allowing any of it to matter or happen. Gma: “You are so focused on your career, this move, being debt-free, getting your happy back until you are closing off the chance for love or limiting you chances for it”. Me to gma are you serious, how am I limiting it? She informs me that my desire to be SO successful is conflicting with my openness for love. She says with authority and obvious tone change…”No I am not saying you can’t and shouldn’t go after success, what I am saying is you are painting this picture of your life and only leaving a window of opportunity or a space for someone to be added to it all, what are you going to do with you man, what will you have left to obtain, do you not see the point that men need to feel needed, wanted and that they can provide and give to you, are you unaware of the fact that no man wants his woman to have to add him in as accessory?” Mom adds, “Nichole, are you hearing what mom is telling you or are you listening to just end this conversation, either way it needs to be the first, so adjust the facials”, I felt like I was in counseling…I did not understand why today or why at all but I did adjust and begin to hear with moms were saying and it continued for about an hour. #spareme #saveme was my attitude before, during (when I was listening/hearing) and now still that it is over.

I do not think my gma understands that the life we live today is not what it was for her during her younger days. My mom seems to understand my angle and my grandmother’s, she just wants me to merge the two because she feels that I have expectations that can be altered or possibly gained once the relationship formed (mostly those about what the man, meaning who, what and where he should be aiming to go) and she is probably right but what moms failed to understand was being with someone is not A TOP PRIORITY for me at this juncture! I want to be in love, I really thought at one point and time that I would be married by now or really close to it but the reality is I am not. I am single, open to mingle, but not diving into anything head first, feet first, or side first, lol. I AM DOING ME!!! I am getting back to happiness and that happiness that is gone has NOTHING to do with a man…it has to do with opportunities to live, placement for the unthinkable and exploring the world and what it has to offer! I really could care less about being in love right now! I am not closed off to it, I love to love, I love to care about someone, I love to help others, and love to be wanted, admired and cherish, I mean what woman doesn’t and I love all the things that come with being in a monogamous relationship but I refuse to STOP LIVING because it is not ‘my right now’! I refuse to give society the benefit of saying that a woman cannot because she does not have a man or should not because she doesn’t have a man, or give into the older days of life and feel that before I can complete or move on with any other area of life, my love life needs to be intact! GTFOH is what I say to that! Gma asked me “Do you find yourself intimidating to men professionally or financially or anything for that matter? Like has it never been an awkward time in one of the three, four relationships, you have had that makes you wonder if he felt good enough, adequate, capable, like do you understand my question? Like has a guy every told you he feels less, inferior, or like he isn’t good enough for you?” I immediately began to laugh because maybe gma has ESP, I have been told by an ex that he felt inferior before, but after trying to understand why he felt that way and observing his times of saying it or hitting at it…I really just let it go because it wasn’t me I feel or maybe it was but either way it was not something I could fix or should I say alone or in the manner that he probably needed it to be fixed. Now intimidating, am I? Is it hard to approach me, I wouldn’t know, I do not have to do that…but I try to come off approachable and open to dialogue and meeting new people in all areas of life. Maybe if you get stuck on the notions that you know me based off what I have, say, do, wear, drive, whatever you it maybe, but I am really not and if a man doesn’t give himself and myself the opportunity to see and prove this not to be the case, then two tears in a bucket…you know the rest, seriously! I will never not be me because of a man, hell anyone! I will never be ashamed of my accomplishments, abilities, or checkbook because a man needs his ego fix! Hell it has not been an ease rode for anyone in this lifetime, so why feel afraid to live by your means and be who you are. That is not what love is about and it is not the law of the land in 2011.

I did/do understand what she means though, but even when I was told that, it wasn’t me who had the problem; it was the individual saying it, because I wasn’t doing anything but trying to be a better me and have a better future for myself, my mom (I own her SO much) and my gma and my children whenever I have them! I believe strongly in this “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  ~Eleanor Roosevelt; for someone to feel that way, it is not about me, but it is more about themselves, so turn that shit inward and kick rocks…seriously, I have little sympathy for someone feeling inferior because it is a choice that YOU make…so when I told gma this (of course not those exact words) she just smiled and said baby, you are not of my generation, that is true but I have been married for to your grandfather, the man you call father/dad for over 3 decades now and before my first husband passed away I was married to him for almost 2 decades so, baby gma know what she talking about. Quickly, said I never doubted that you did and I really appreciate this conversation but for me and what I want in my husband and what I feel strongly that God has in store for me, my life being well together is not going to be a problem for the man I am SUPPOSE to fall in love with. Gma: “You right, God will make it all work out but know this, sometimes God can be ready for you to go to a certain level and you miss it cause you are too focused on your plans being executed. Stop Nikki and realize that love is the greatest gift of them all and to become one with someone before and under God direction and to reproduce as he wants you to is definitely the way of God. Baby, you have some much love to give, I see it in you and I see you being married really soon but do not miss your boat and have to wait, AGAIN, painting this picture and leaving a place for someone to fit.”

As you can imagine this conversation continued more with gma talking more than mom or me, but it was really heavy this morning and it has me thinking! No I am not going to stop living and doing me or working at becoming the person that I know GOD has me on the quest to be, but women and men reading this do we paint the picture too much, are we filling in places that we should not alone, are some things in other areas of our life suppose to come after love has been obtained? Are we making people feel like they have to fit into a certain place or else they have no place?

Just think about it. I am, as well as going to pray about it, I mean love is the greatest of them all and I do want it but not at the cost of my success that’s in the making and in the future to come, I want both #simple but will you do one without the other, will choosing to go so full force behind success hinder or erase the thought of love from the mind and you miss it when it is presented??? Maybe that is the question that gma was really trying to get me to sit with, think about and come to grips with??? Unsure but definitely want to share as I do know that marriage and love is really becoming an afterthought for our generation and sadly, it’ll continue for those to follow us if we do not make a change!

Hmmm, a lot to think about…but again HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY if you are reading this on 2/14/2011 if not still hope you are having a GREAT day!!! Please leave your feedback, I am always open for that, but if you do nothing but think about it…that is what the real intent of this blog!!!

“Entering into a New Quarter of Life”

This blog entry is long past due! I started blogging back in 2009 and learned that it was a great way to release some of the emotions, feelings and thoughts that I had but as you can tell my entry count got up to two & ceased which I have no excuse for because the writing didn’t cease! Just started to keep a ‘private’ journal as my life got heavy and at the time I wasn’t ready to share and as you can tell in my prior two post or maybe not but in the future you will see, I am a all of nothing type woman!

Any who, I am back and a lot of my journal entries I am turning into blogs, so followers stay tuned. The content you will read this year will give you true insight into who I am, aim to be/become, things I or we all can, work to do better! The phrase “I am a work in progress” is definitely fitting of me at this time and truthfully I will always be because we as humans can never reach perfection! But most importantly, I want my blogs to provide a different way to process and accept things/people that this ‘opportunity’ of life we have the ‘privilege’ of living brings upon us! I will express a lot of raw information and feelings and I don’t aim to seem right, try to win public opinion or friends, nor am I trying to say I am perfect because I am NOT! Just wanna share some of the things I have learned, experienced and feel deeply towards a variety of issues that we all have been through or seen someone else go through or if you may have not, keep living and you shall one way or another, that I know and believe, strongly!

As I turn 26 on Saturday, January 29th, I am closing a quarter of life and beginning a new one with an almost brand new perspective, attitude and desires for my life! God has truly blessed me during this first quarter and without a doubt I know He shall continue in this next and with more, no doubt! He has allowed me to accomplish a lot education wise, finance wise, social wise, and most importantly spiritual wise! God is AMAZING in the way he works! He has shown me a lot about Nichole that I love but then again some things that I needed to and have changed, as well as I am still working to change or improve some others! He has given me this new spirit and direction of life that I never knew existed! He took me through a lot of hardships, particular in the year of 2010 that quite frankly knocked me on my ass! He allowed me to view a lot from new angles, advantages and disadvantages but already in 2011 I understand that he was preparing me for my season of breakthrough!

Of course, I don’t know what the future holds but I know without a doubt it is success in my career, love with my Mr. Right, financial overflow, and that special baby (charity) I will start not to forget health for myself, family and extended family! He has given me the abilities to do it all and delivered many signs that the heartaches, pains, tears, struggles and many nights without sleep or rest in 2010 were not in vain and it was all for this explosive breakthrough He had in store for my life this season! Now don’t misunderstand my intent, I don’t think, no I know that everything won’t be easy, smooth or occur without trials and tribulations that isn’t reality, but I do know that this MY season of breakthrough! It maybe yours too, God is capable, but are you ready? Have you received Him?

I don’t need a confirmation from any Earthly being that is not why I am sharing this information! My purpose is to encourage someone experiencing a rough patch to NOT GIVE UP! I wanted to throw in the towel many days but I didn’t and you shouldn’t either! PLEASE DON’T! Do NOT allow the devil to rob you of your soon to come breakthrough, don’t allow that devil to make you turn back or take your eyes off of God. Do not allow that devil to cease your FAITH or will to believe because in Galatians 6:9, God promises us that He will deliver! He says “Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart”…do not lose sight, you can not give up on GOD, it is NOT AN OPTION!

Even when it seems like there is no light, LIVE, DO as you can see light, HAVE FAITH, BELIEVE THAT WHEN HE SAYS HE WILL NEVER BRING YOU TO IT AND NOT THROUGH IT, trust HIM, because there is light at the end of the tunnel!! I promise you God is there, awaiting your arrival! He is taking you through this (whatever it is) to teach you something because none of God teachings are in vain! Remember this is the person who gave HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, so you and I could have life! SO I beg of you to STAND FIRM, HOLD ON, PRESS THROUGH, and believe that God is there because HE IS!

The time of His deliverance is unknown, always has been and always will be! There are no calculations that mankind can do to determine it, nor are there any signs or patterns we can trace to predict it, so just know and believe in your hear that GOD IS ALWAYS RIGHT ON TIME! He is never late nor does He make a mistake, so what your experiencing is for a reason and due season you will not only know but be able to see it as well! Trust me when I say many of days, nights, weeks, months were filled with darkness but I had to continue to move as though I saw the light! Vent, express yourself to someone you trust, don’t be afraid to say this is what I feel! God already knows your heart, so don’t be afraid to speak about your feelings but always remember to fall to your knees and have a talk with God because you are NEVER alone! He is right there, right now with you!

Entering a new quarter of life and without the grace, mercy, love, and favor of God…I know it wouldn’t be possible and to Him I am forever grateful and thankful!

Peace & Love
Nichole

You Are Not An Accident

I purchase books, like drinking water or whatever you drink regularly…really I have a problem! I purchased this one book a while ago titled, The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, but I never read it until now! Its a 40 day read, assisting one with finding the purpose of their life! Great stuff, wonderful food for thought!

Day 2 talks about “You Are Not An Accident” and it didn’t really phase me until I got towards the end and it started to talk about the fact that long before I was conceived by my parents, I was conceived in the mind of God and how it didn’t matter whether my parents were good, bad, or indifferent, God knew that those two individuals possessed EXACTLY the right genetic makeup to create the custom “me” he had in mind. They had the DNA God wanted to make me! And after that the tears began to flow & the question why James Johnson was finally answered, finally I knew why He, God, picked him for my mom to create me with me! Finally, I knew!

I have the greatest mom of all time! She is my heart, my world, my best friend, my everything & there is nothing I wouldn’t do for her, but then there is my “dad/father” sperm donor is what I say who has never been there!

Told me that he didn’t want anything to with me because he couldn’t have my mom! Wow! It still pains when I think about that day he told me this…his only child! When I remember how much I always just wanted him there. How I would invite him to everything and he never came! Never! I moved on, took 22 years for me to do so, but I have! I am 24 now and it still hurts but I don’t hate him anymore! I use to, oh how I use to, but everything happens for a reason, I have always believed that and now I know the reason! 24 years it took, but now I know!

“Acceptance is the key to understanding” ~Nichole Smith

If you accept whatever it is, understanding will follow, can’t tell you the time, but it will come!

If your holding a grudge against a parent for lack of being there or the questions as of why/why not! Don’t! Pray for acceptance, but also talk to them! God picked your parents for you, because he knew they would make the “custom” you! He knew they genetically had what it took to produce His work of greatest, YOU! So instead of being bitter, distant, sad, or miserable, be happy & tell them thank you! Tell them thank you for being obedient to my Father and producing the custom me!

Trust I know it will hurt! It still hurts me, but face it! Holding on to that pain, not being able to talk about it, is only hurting yourself! Trust me they are living their lives, so face it, pray about it, let it go & let God. Accept it and then you will understand the divine plan that God had! You will begin to understand why the combination of their genes mattered, you will begin to realize who you are and most importantly begin a path to find you purpose in life!

It may not be what you & I would have done, but we are the imperfect ones & God is the man of perfection, so be thankful for you parents! Regardless of the situation, God wanted and thought of a way to create the custom you but through your parents you had to be brought to life! They were only the vessels used to execute God’s plan not theirs! So regardless of if you were planned or a mistake by their meanings, you were not an accident by God! He wrote the script & assigned you to them, he had a “custom” creation in mind!

Peace & love,
Nichole

Its Amazing How God Works….

I often sit & think, trying to be the voice, I would want someone to be for me! Aiming hard to live by Gods words of “Do unto other as you would HAVE them do unto you”, fighting off the temptation of doing the opposite and doing exactly what and/or worst than what has been do me! But today, I stopped and asked myself, WHY? Why aim at this alone, why try to be the example of what should be done and not follow ‘just’ the norm? Why, Nichole do you want to strive so hard to be the difference? Why give chances and chances to people when you have been wronged, let down, or taken for granted? Why Nichole, why? I asked myself….

As the tears developed inside and my mind raced, I did some emailing cleaning and I ran across an email that had been sent to me 4 days ago by a dear friend! One titled Letting Go! I said wow and immediately jumped into reading it! As I read it in the room with 2 friends, I began to feel alone, but in a good way, I was taken into a pure white room, no one, nothing but me! The email was so deep, so mind stimulating, promising, & cleansing! It was a long email, so I won’t site it in my blog verbatim, but I want to provided a few lines that touched me most!

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you, let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your DESTINY is never tied to anybody that left. Please stop now and read 1 John 2:19, then come back. You read it? Okay now continue.

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can not make them stay. LET THEM GO! Wow! It was powerful! And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in this story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in YOUR story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead! LET THEM GO! If you are holding on to past hurt and pains….LET THEM GO!! If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth…LET THEM GO! If your stuck in the past and GOD is trying to take you to a new level in Him…LET IT GO!!! …..I will stop here, but there was so much more so please let me know if you want that email, I would love to pass it along!

I shouted! I shouted! I cried, I yelled, I cried, I shouted all internally, except for the tears that rolled down my face when I was alone in the bathroom moments later! I felt God talking to me! He was answering my questions, renewing my reasons for what I thought I was doing in vain! I wondered why this pure white room alone, why I had been calling my mom & my best friend and neither was available, but it was because GOD wanted me to talk to Him and me to listen to Him! He wanted my undivided attention, He wanted me to stand the pain & obtain my answers!

Often times we go through things prior to our breakthrough, we hurt, we feel sad, we feel alone, but its all for a purpose, its all apart of His holy & divine plan! So if you hurt, if you feel alone, if your feeling like its not fair, its not suppose to happen like this, don’t fight it, accept it, cry, cry, cry, hurt, hurt, hurt, and remember that after the pain and tears the rainbow will shine again!

“Acceptance is the key to understanding” ~Nichole S. Understanding follows acceptance, so accept the wrong doings, the hurt, the neglect, the mistreatment, or whatever it maybe, but trust OUR GOD always prevails! He may not come when we want Him, but he is always right on time! Now I can’t tell you the day, the time, the month, the way of His appearance, nor the hour, but I can assure you of this, when He comes you will know it!

I got to LET GO! It hurts, my GOD, it hurts, but the reward that is forthcoming will make me forget this hurt! It will be a past memory that I can’t even remember & by GOD I am thankful for it already, so grateful! If I had 10,000 tongues to say thank you, that still wouldn’t be enough!

Be encouraged readers! Be encouraged, keep the faith, remain prayful, and remember that no amount of hurt and pain is to great for OUR HEALER & CREATOR! We are a vessel, so let Him use you!

I hope this helped someone! I pray that regardless of the time and pain, GOD is right there, he has you, just trust & believe! I promise He will Never leave you nor forsake you! In all thy ways acknowledge Him and he shall direct thy path! Proverbs 3:6!

Peace & Love
Nichole